


The Promises Our Hearts Can't Keep

by alittlebitoftheuniverse



Series: Burr Family Feels [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family Member Death, Grief/Mourning, I'm so sorry, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8361544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoftheuniverse/pseuds/alittlebitoftheuniverse
Summary: I'm so sorry for that.I'm goofing around on tumblr as @alittlebitoftheuniverse, come hang out!





	

Theodosia's phone fell out of her hand, clattering onto the kitchen counter and startling Aaron.

“You look like you've seen a ghost,” he frowned, getting up from the table. “Who called?”

“The doctor's office,” she replied faintly, looking at him, dazed. “You know I've been constantly nauseous lately? And having stomach pains?”

Aaron nodded. “You said the doctor thought it could be an ulcer. She did some tests?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “They...They're not sure it's an ulcer.”

Aaron's dark eyes lit up. “Theo, you're not...?”

“No,” she said quickly, and hated how he tried not to look disappointed. “I'm not...pregnant. Aaron...they think there's a possibility it could be stomach cancer.”

She could feel a sob building in her throat, but Aaron had his arms around her before it escaped. He didn't say anything, just held her tightly as she tried to swallow her tears, only letting them fall when she felt a wet patch on her shoulder, where his head was resting.

“They...They want us to come in tomorrow,” she choked out. “Run some more tests, talk about the...the options.”

“It'll be okay,” Aaron said, but Theodosia wasn't sure he believed it. “We'll go. Maybe Eliza can watch Theo-”

“Oh, God,” she gasped. _“Theo.”_

Aaron's arms tightened around her. “It'll be okay,” he repeated softly. “It's going to be all right.”

“You don't know that!” she protested, her voice breaking. “You can't possibly know that!”

“Mama?” Theo stepped into the kitchen hesitantly, a book under her arm and a worried frown on her face. Theodosia stepped away from Aaron as they both hastened to wipe their eyes.

“You need something, baby?” Theodosia asked.

Theo's eyes, so like her father's, darted back and forth between them suspiciously. “Something's wrong.”

Aaron spoke up quickly. “No, darling, nothing's wrong.”

“You were cry-”

He smoothed a hand over her hair. “We were just talking. Actually, how would you like to go see Philip and Angie tomorrow?”

Theo's brow furrowed. “Mama was taking me to the library tomorrow.”

Theodosia jumped in, seeing Aaron trying to come up with an excuse. “I know, baby, but something really important came up. I'll ask Eliza if she can take you, though.”

“But you promised,” Theo protested.

“I know, Theo. And you know that I'd never break a promise unless it was something very, very important.”

Theo bit her lip. “All right...and you promise nothing's wrong?”

Theodosia wished her daughter wouldn't look at her like that, those dark, solemn eyes staring straight into her soul.

“Promise,” she managed, and Theo nodded slowly, though both Dosia and Aaron knew perfectly well that she didn't believe them.

She was ten years old. There was only so much they could hide.

* * *

Eliza was smiling when she opened the door, cradling little John in one arm and extending the other to Theo, who gave her a hug with a huge smile on her face.

“Theo!” came a delighted cry from somewhere inside the house.

She shrieked “Pip!” in reply and took off, the noise of their footsteps thundering up the stairs quickly following.

“He's been waiting all morning,” Eliza chuckled, stepping aside to let Theodosia and Aaron into the house.

Theodosia mustered up a smile. “I'm sorry to give you such short notice-”

Eliza waved her off. “It's fine, Theo's an angel.”

That drew a grin from Aaron. “Thank you. We'll try not to be gone too long.”

“I've got a doctor appointment,” Theodosia explained, seeing the flash of curiosity in her friend's eyes.

She saw the worry too, but it passed quickly.

“Take your time,” Eliza said. “Theo will be perfectly fine here.” She paused to squeeze Dosia's hand. “Everything will be fine.”

Theodosia really wished people would stop saying that.

* * *

Aaron's grip on her hand was tight as they approached the Hamiltons' front door for the second time that day. This time, Alexander opened it, his hair tied in a bun with a pencil sticking through it. Theodosia almost wanted to laugh. Almost.

“Theo did my hair,” he explained grandly. “Come on in, she's out in the garden.”

Theodosia stopped in front of the window to look out at her daughter. She was sitting on the swing hanging from an ancient tree, talking to Philip as he pushed her. Dosia wondered what she could be talking so intensely about.

Alex opened the door. “Theo, your parents are here!”

“Actually,” Aaron put in, “is there somewhere quiet here where we could talk to her for a minute?”

Theodosia turned to him, stunned. They'd planned to wait until they got her home, what was he doing? Still, when Theo came in, a smudge of dirt across her chin, Alexander directed them into his office, leaving them alone after murmuring, “Take your time.”

“Something's wrong,” Theo said, the minute the door had shut. “I know something's wrong.”

Theodosia sighed heavily. “Sit down, baby.”

Theo crossed her arms stubbornly. “I want to know what's wrong.”

Aaron and Theodosia exchanged looks, and Aaron nodded.

“Darling,” he said, and his voice was soft. “Mama's sick.”

Fear flashed across Theo's face. “Sick?”

“Yes, baby,” Theodosia nodded, taking her daughter's dirty hands. “Very sick. You know what cancer is, don't you?”

Theo's lips wobbled. “You don't...you can't...” She sucked in a breath. “The doctors are going to fix it, right?”

Theodosia swallowed the lump in her throat. “They don't know, Theo. They'll try, but we just don't know.”

Theo's jaw set firmly, the way Aaron's did when he was determined. “Are you going to die?”

Next to her, Aaron's breath caught in his throat.

“I don't know,” Theodosia said, and her voice cracked on the 'know' and made Theo's chin quiver. “We can't control everything in life, baby. Sometimes not even ourselves.”

Theo's face crumpled then, and Aaron was the first to get his arms around her, lifting her into his arms and sitting on Alexander's couch with her. He extended a hand to Dosia, and she joined them, burying her face in Aaron's neck.

“It's going to be okay,” Theo insisted through her sobs, but just like her father, she didn't sound as though she believed it.

* * *

Theodosia could see them through the crack between her door and its frame. Theo and Philip, out in the corridor outside her room, Theo's head nestled onto Philip's shoulder while he rubbed a hand up and down her back, saying something to her that Dosia couldn't hear.

“What're you smiling at?” Aaron asked, sitting on the bed next to her.

She nodded toward the children outside. “Don't tell me you can't see where that's going.”

Aaron wrinkled his nose distastefully. “I don't want to talk about it.”

She chuckled, shifting slightly to look at him. “She's going to be okay. Whatever happens, she's going to be okay. She's so loved, Aaron. I think she knows that. I hope she knows that.”

Aaron's face softened. “I'm sure she does, Dosia. If I have to, I'll make sure she knows.”

Theodosia nodded. “Good, because...” She swallowed hard. She'd been planning what to say to him all day. “If I don't get well again, Aaron-” She held up a hand to silence his protests. “You heard the doctors. There's not a good chance. I've made my peace with it, more or less, but that's not what matters right now. Theo is what matters. You can't break, Aaron. She's going to need you. And no matter what, you can't shut her out. Promise me you won't.”

“Theodosia,” he said, and his voice faltered, his dark, clever eyes wet.

“Promise me,” she insisted, squeezing his hand. “You have to stay. For her.”

“I...I promise,” he said, then nodded as if to confirm it. “I'll be there for her. I promise.”

* * *

Theodosia Bartow Prevost Burr died at 3:14 in the morning on May 28. Her last words were nothing especially distinctive, telling her little family that she loved them, murmuring her daughter's name, smiling faintly when both husband and daughter kissed her forehead. And she went quietly after that, eyes closed until the heart monitor drowned the room with its long flat beep.

Theo threw herself into her father's arms, and he held her numbly, not believing it, not wanting to believe it, even though they'd all known it was coming. At some point, he went home, though he had no memory of driving. He tried to get Theo to sleep, but she refused to go to her room. She led him to his recliner and crawled into his lap, the way she'd done when she was very small. She looked small, curled up into him, her eyes shut tightly as though she was in pain, even in sleep. Grief made one tired. Aaron knew that. But still, he rocked her in his chair, and remembered his promise. He started to sing softly, though he couldn't have said where he found his voice, and he stayed awake.

In the morning, he would go back to work and stay there much too long. He'd break his promise to his wife in the months to follow.

But now. Now he would hold his daughter as close as he could, and maybe she wouldn't wake up when he started to sob.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for that.  
> I'm goofing around on tumblr as @alittlebitoftheuniverse, come hang out!


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